Blessing My Past

Good Evening, God!

While going through some old notes I came across a quote or idea that said: We are to transform the Traumas of our past from Holes into Gateways for the Holy Spirit. WOW! That resonated with me.

In that note I had a written down a few “holes” from my childhood. One was when at under six I had drawn an anatomically correct male dog. A neighbor was visit my mom and while I think she was mostly amused by my drawing I learned instantly that it was “not done”! I had definitely been put in a box. Even though I did take life drawing later on.

But the Hole that I felt called to pray about was about cancer. At this point I was maybe 12 or 13. In my memory my father was describing to me how my great grandmother’s cancerous nose had looked. My father was clearly not just revolted but frightened! And he transferred his fear to me. BOOM! DONE!

But how to make of this fearful moment a gateway for the Holy Spirit?

I began by blessing my father. I blessed him first as a fellow human being. Having a Fear lodged inside us is awful. As I blessed him it was as if the memory changed. And a layer was added between us. Then I blessed myself. Blessed my young dear self then . . . and blessed my Body right now! Finally I blessed him as a daughter . . . forgiving him. This all took place in what I guess was Your Time, God. Because I have no idea how long it took.

Thank You, God! Blessing that memory was so helpful. That small bit of grit has been  enclosed in a smooth pearly covering. It is still there but without exuding the fear . . . the distress . . . and the anger.